...and then later

Ruminating on the heart-wrenching, mindfuckery of relationships, I slip to my Carrie Bradshaw mode—I couldn’t help but wonder, why do we choose to hurt when we can choose to forget? I believe it is totally the Conspiracy of What If’s. What if you can still save it? What if one succumbs to change? What if you compromise? I often speak the courage of my conviction and I often wear my putrescent wounds up my sleeves (and fuck yeah, I cry too), but I am as guilty as you are of this crap. And then I came across an old entry from my journal and it all made sense…


"Tatlong letra, tatlong hakbang papalayo.
Paano nga ba lumayo kung minsan ko nang
inukit ang pangalan mo sa puso ko?
May dahas ang kalungkutan, may hagupit ang pagtangis
—tumatatak sa isip, nagmamarka sa gunita.
Hindi sapat ang lumayo kaya’t humukay ako ng libingan.
Inilibing na kita. Ipinagluksa.
Wala na. Tapos na. Nyeta ka."